The "I hate Can't" Haiku Contest

[Class of 82]

Okay, Zips fans. Show your love for a classic Japanese artform, while simultaneously expressing your contempt for the Golden Showers of Can't State. Haiku consists of three lines. First line, 5 syllables. Second line, 7 syllables. Third line, 5 syllables.I'll kick off with...I love hating Can'tYearly, we pound those dirtbagsWagon wheel we own!

[Bleacher Bum]

Hippies love their potHippies also love to failDirty Hippie Scum

[Class of 82]

Hippies love their potHippies also love to failDirty Hippie Scum

How poignant. How apropos. Nice work, Bleacher Bum.All hail mighty AkronFoot squarely on Can't State's throatRight where it should be

[g-mann17]

Kill Golden flushesBoo let all the hippies dieBurn Historic Can't

[Class of 82]

Kill Golden flushesBoo let all the hippies dieBurn Historic Can't

I am deeply moved, g-mann17. Abjectly hateful, yet rife with the exquisite nuance of high art.

[g-mann17]

Kill Golden flushesBoo let all the hippies dieBurn Historic Can't

I am deeply moved, g-mann17. Abjectly hateful, yet rife with the exquisite nuance of high art.

Thank you, Thank you Dear Historic Can'tReally are StautzenbergerNow, go to corner

[Aaron]

No matter the sport,no matter the time, cant sucksFl.a.shes - fear the roo

[Class of 82]

Can't. So vile. So poor.Total misery in storeAkron's b*tch once more

[ksu sucks]

Can't. So vile. So poor.Total misery in storeAkron's b*tch once more

epic.

[MDZip]

Well I was really more interested in a Shakespearian sonnet with an interesting iambic pentameter but since you asked for haiku:Football 33Can't's to Akron's last champAnd Basketball 1But I'll end with a limerickSo that you say that our team's in the canAnd it was never a part of our planBut you cannot complainuntil you've suffered real painand tragically end up as a K.S.U. fan

[KentZip]

Burnt flush mascot fleshBrought to me on a platterNoble Zippy serves

[johnnyzip84]

Well I was really more interested in a Shakespearian sonnet with an interesting iambic pentameter but since you asked for haiku:Football 33Can't's to Akron's last champAnd Basketball 1But I'll end with a limerickSo that you say that our team's in the canAnd it was never a part of our planBut you cannot complainuntil you've suffered real painand tragically end up as a K.S.U. fan

Very clever MDZip! 2005-1972=33 2009-2008=1I'm going for a rhyming haiku.Each head coach a bumFrom Doug Martin to Dick CrumTo watch is to numb

[Class of 82]

Well I was really more interested in a Shakespearian sonnet with an interesting iambic pentameter but since you asked for haiku:Football 33Can't's to Akron's last champAnd Basketball 1But I'll end with a limerickSo that you say that our team's in the canAnd it was never a part of our planBut you cannot complainuntil you've suffered real painand tragically end up as a K.S.U. fan

Awesome, MDZip!Sonnets are nice, and limmericks are great.But haiku lends something unique to the spirited expression of venom and vitriol. G-mann17, for example, was able to express his desire that the entire city of Can't to be burned to the ground with a sort of aesthetic dignity and style unavailable in the normal use of language.Plus, haiku is really fun.

[Class of 82]

Burnt flush mascot fleshBrought to me on a platterNoble Zippy serves

An instant classic.