New Rules

[GP1]

WE ALWAYS HEAR

'THE RULES'

FROM THE FEMALE SIDE

NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE...THEY ARE ALL NUMBERED '1'

ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES. LET IT BE.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE! SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK! STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK! OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK! JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS. PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO idea what mauve is.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED. WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE... REALLY!

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL, SEX, HOOTERS, OR GOLF.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE! STRAIGHT IS A SHAPE!FLAT IS A SHAPE!

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH.

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH.

[UAZipster0305]

I think #1 is my favorite. Good form, GP1!

[Dave in Green]

Man, I thought ZN.O was the one place I could escape chain e-mails. I sure hope this doesn't start a chain reaction on this forum. After all, most of us already get way too many of these things in our e-mail boxes, and they all say to "pass it on."

I delete them all. I want it said on my gravestone: He never passed on a chain e-mail.

I'd rather pass gas.

[GP1]

Man, I thought ZN.O was the one place I could escape chain e-mails. I sure hope this doesn't start a chain reaction on this forum. After all, most of us already get way too many of these things in our e-mail boxes, and they all say to "pass it on."

I delete them all. I want it said on my gravestone: He never passed on a chain e-mail.

I'd rather pass gas.

Your sense of humor is boundless.

[Hilltopper]

Man, I thought ZN.O was the one place I could escape chain e-mails. I sure hope this doesn't start a chain reaction on this forum. After all, most of us already get way too many of these things in our e-mail boxes, and they all say to "pass it on."

I delete them all. I want it said on my gravestone: He never passed on a chain e-mail.

I'd rather pass gas.

Your sense of humor is boundless.

ZipsNation.Org » General UA Discussions & Archives » Off Topic, Smack & Jokes » New Rules

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