Dave in Green Posted May 1, 2010 Report Share Posted May 1, 2010 Back to the subject of this thread, after much serious study (I also have swamp land in Florida for sale), I've determined that the correct option is not available in this poll. What will happen is that Ianello will be driven away from UA before the end of his first season. Here's the way I see it playing out. After winning a few games, it will be revealed in ABJ and PD interviews that Ianello credits the team's quick start with the revelation that he has made advanced statistical analysis a key to gaining a competitive edge over other teams. This causes Dr Z and Captain Kangaroo to go apoplectic and issue a public statement that this was the first UA sports news ever that the ABJ and PD did not steal directly from ZN.O. Together, the two moderators use ZN.O as a platform to rail against the use of any statistical analysis by the Zips football team, demand that Ianello be subject to an inquisition in the deepest, darkest dungeon on the UA campus, and that he be forced to publicly recant from this heresy. The noted researcher, speculator, and purveyor of all matters related to both real and imagined sexual, religious, and racial peccadilloes -- GP1 -- digs up dirt on Ianello's European ancestors from the 5th century AD, and privately feeds it to Dr Z and Captain Kangaroo. They in turn e-mail a copy of this to Tom Wistrcill, demanding that Ianello be replaced with a coach who can't count high enough to state his age. But they accidentally address that e-mail to Ianello instead of Wistrcill. Ianello in turn fires off an angry e-mail to Wistrcill saying that this is exactly what he had told Wistrcill before taking the UA position -- his greatest fear was that "The unnofficial web home for Akron Zips fans" would not support him no matter how successful he was -- and that he wasn't sure he wanted to continue coaching a team where the online fan base was so relentlessly nasty and negative. But Ianello's e-mail to Wistrcill is accidentally addressed to Dr Z and Captain Kangaroo, instead. They immediately post Ianello's e-mail on ZN.O and say that this is proof that Ianello is somehow related to the scoundrel Dave in Green, who also stands accused of relentlessly accusing ZN.O of being nasty and negative, and, even worse, advocating the use of voodoo statistical analysis. After the ABJ and PD return to their normal behavior and steal ZN.O's scoop on Ianello, the embattled UA coach holds a public press conference. He likens Akron to Salem, Massachusetts, in 1692, and warns the world that witch trials are still with us even in our modern 21st century world. He says he doesn't know where he's going, but wherever he went he was going to replace the zippers in all of his clothing with buttons. Can't State sees this as a tremendous opportunity to get a winning football coach who sees Akron in the same light as they do. They offer him a lifetime contract, name their math department after him, and invest in making it the leading school of statistical analysis in the country. Can't State football immediately takes off and begins beating every team they play, including a national record thrashing of UA after UA's statistically challenged interim coaching staff puts only five players on the field, later explaining that their contracts with UA stipulated that they not be allowed to count beyond the number of digits on one hand. Can't goes on to be invited to join the Big Ten, and wins the national championship. Coaches come from across the country to study Ianello's unprecedented use of statistical analysis in areas of the game where it had never before been used. In response, Dr Z and Captain Kangaroo jigger the ZN.O software so that the forums will not display the letters I, A, N, E, L or O, or any numbers, claiming that if even a single "1" should show up on the forum, it would be the first step toward subverting ZN.O into a carrier of hidden statistical analysis propaganda. UA finally gives up on trying to please its football fans as a lost cause, converts the new football stadium into the country's finest dedicated soccer stadium, and diverts the football budget into basketball. With no more UA football to kick around, Dr Z and Captain Kangaroo move to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, lured by this lurid description that recently captured their fancy on ZN.O: ..... I do know this. Creating a family atmosphere is not the answer. Beach bums like nothing more than drinking and trying to bang their next door neighbor's wife who spends her days drinking bourbon behind shut blinds like a good southern woman does. Create a party atmosphere and they will turn out in droves. Hooters girls, oil wrestling, wet t-shirt contests and beer pong will get the Myrtle Beach locals out, not clowns and cotton candy. Finally, the most important (and most popular) development that follows the resolution of all of UA's football, basketball, and soccer issues finds Dave in Green reducing his ZN.O participation to one short post per week, and using his newly found free time to return to doing that which he does best: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopper Posted May 1, 2010 Report Share Posted May 1, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreal1scout Posted May 3, 2010 Report Share Posted May 3, 2010 I choose to ignore the history of Zips football...things are much easier that way. This is the first season of the rest of my Zip-fan life and i.coach is taking us to the Promised Land ! I agree half-heartedly. Whereas I am excited with expectations for I.coach, I have been bombarded in the last couple weeks with IM requests asking for my personal thoughts about the likelihood of I.coach's chances for a spectacular 1st season. I believe he will lead us to the Promised Land and beyond. That said, I feel I must publicly address the many e-mail requests that I apply for the Head Coach position in case of a dismal year. Again, I truly believe that Coach will deliver a stellar season. But to address the requests that I somehow perhaps step-in and provide some assistance/guidance in the interim, I can only say that I truly appreciate your votes of confidence, but I do not believe I would be right for the role of HC, in no small part because as William Hung explained to the American Idol judges back in 2004, I too "have no professional training". GO ZIPS!! KICK ASS IN 2010! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zipmeister Posted May 3, 2010 Report Share Posted May 3, 2010 I choose to ignore the history of Zips football...things are much easier that way. This is the first season of the rest of my Zip-fan life and i.coach is taking us to the Promised Land ! I agree half-heartedly. Whereas I am excited with expectations for I.coach, I have been bombarded in the last couple weeks with IM requests asking for my personal thoughts about the likelihood of I.coach's chances for a spectacular 1st season. I believe he will lead us to the Promised Land and beyond. That said, I feel I must publicly address the many e-mail requests that I apply for the Head Coach position in case of a dismal year. Again, I truly believe that Coach will deliver a stellar season. But to address the requests that I somehow perhaps step-in and provide some assistance/guidance in the interim, I can only say that I truly appreciate your votes of confidence, but I do not believe I would be right for the role of HC, in no small part because as William Hung explained to the American Idol judges back in 2004, I too "have no professional training". GO ZIPS!! KICK ASS IN 2010! I was hopeful about the upcoming season. Now, not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy5 Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 I choose to ignore the history of Zips football...things are much easier that way. This is the first season of the rest of my Zip-fan life and i.coach is taking us to the Promised Land ! I agree half-heartedly. Whereas I am excited with expectations for I.coach, I have been bombarded in the last couple weeks with IM requests asking for my personal thoughts about the likelihood of I.coach's chances for a spectacular 1st season. I believe he will lead us to the Promised Land and beyond. That said, I feel I must publicly address the many e-mail requests that I apply for the Head Coach position in case of a dismal year. Again, I truly believe that Coach will deliver a stellar season. But to address the requests that I somehow perhaps step-in and provide some assistance/guidance in the interim, I can only say that I truly appreciate your votes of confidence, but I do not believe I would be right for the role of HC, in no small part because as William Hung explained to the American Idol judges back in 2004, I too "have no professional training". GO ZIPS!! KICK ASS IN 2010! I was hopeful about the upcoming season. Now, not so much. lol. I wonder if Tonga actually even exists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnyzip84 Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 I propose that we put anyone suspicious of being a statistician on one of these along with one of these Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornbread Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 I propose that we put anyone suspicious of being a statistician on one of these along with one of these No no no We'll build a bridge out of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Z Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 Pretty self explanatory. Welcome to Akron Rob. So more than 70 percent of people voted that Rob would be here for 6 years or more. That seems to be a pretty nice welcome?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InTheZone Posted May 4, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 Pretty self explanatory. Welcome to Akron Rob. So more than 70 percent of people voted that Rob would be here for 6 years or more. That seems to be a pretty nice welcome?!?! Well yeah but half of Zips fans think he'll be fired, and he hasn't even coached one game! (Statistics provide us with such clear and undeniable conclusions, Dave is so right!!!! ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZachTheZip Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 Pretty self explanatory. Welcome to Akron Rob. So more than 70 percent of people voted that Rob would be here for 6 years or more. That seems to be a pretty nice welcome?!?! More than 70% of Zips fans are insane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreal1scout Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 I choose to ignore the history of Zips football...things are much easier that way. This is the first season of the rest of my Zip-fan life and i.coach is taking us to the Promised Land ! I agree half-heartedly. Whereas I am excited with expectations for I.coach, I have been bombarded in the last couple weeks with IM requests asking for my personal thoughts about the likelihood of I.coach's chances for a spectacular 1st season. I believe he will lead us to the Promised Land and beyond. That said, I feel I must publicly address the many e-mail requests that I apply for the Head Coach position in case of a dismal year. Again, I truly believe that Coach will deliver a stellar season. But to address the requests that I somehow perhaps step-in and provide some assistance/guidance in the interim, I can only say that I truly appreciate your votes of confidence, but I do not believe I would be right for the role of HC, in no small part because as William Hung explained to the American Idol judges back in 2004, I too "have no professional training". GO ZIPS!! KICK ASS IN 2010! I was hopeful about the upcoming season. Now, not so much. What do you know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zipmeister Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 I choose to ignore the history of Zips football...things are much easier that way. This is the first season of the rest of my Zip-fan life and i.coach is taking us to the Promised Land ! I agree half-heartedly. Whereas I am excited with expectations for I.coach, I have been bombarded in the last couple weeks with IM requests asking for my personal thoughts about the likelihood of I.coach's chances for a spectacular 1st season. I believe he will lead us to the Promised Land and beyond. That said, I feel I must publicly address the many e-mail requests that I apply for the Head Coach position in case of a dismal year. Again, I truly believe that Coach will deliver a stellar season. But to address the requests that I somehow perhaps step-in and provide some assistance/guidance in the interim, I can only say that I truly appreciate your votes of confidence, but I do not believe I would be right for the role of HC, in no small part because as William Hung explained to the American Idol judges back in 2004, I too "have no professional training". GO ZIPS!! KICK ASS IN 2010! I was hopeful about the upcoming season. Now, not so much. What do you know I know that you are definitely a "glass is half full" type of person, and I suspect the contents of your glass is vodka rather than water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreal1scout Posted May 4, 2010 Report Share Posted May 4, 2010 I choose to ignore the history of Zips football...things are much easier that way. This is the first season of the rest of my Zip-fan life and i.coach is taking us to the Promised Land ! I agree half-heartedly. Whereas I am excited with expectations for I.coach, I have been bombarded in the last couple weeks with IM requests asking for my personal thoughts about the likelihood of I.coach's chances for a spectacular 1st season. I believe he will lead us to the Promised Land and beyond. That said, I feel I must publicly address the many e-mail requests that I apply for the Head Coach position in case of a dismal year. Again, I truly believe that Coach will deliver a stellar season. But to address the requests that I somehow perhaps step-in and provide some assistance/guidance in the interim, I can only say that I truly appreciate your votes of confidence, but I do not believe I would be right for the role of HC, in no small part because as William Hung explained to the American Idol judges back in 2004, I too "have no professional training". GO ZIPS!! KICK ASS IN 2010! I was hopeful about the upcoming season. Now, not so much. What do you know I know that you are definitely a "glass is half full" type of person, and I suspect the contents of your glass is vodka rather than water. Mea maxima culpa. I was at work and did not get to finish my post. My intended post should have read: What do you know, it's Zipmeister. It only took you minutes to respond to my post. I knew you would like it. Keep up your perverse posts. I love a good lol laugh. And like I said before, 2010. GO ZIPS!! Now Put On Your Big Girl Panties And Deal With It. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave in Green Posted May 5, 2010 Report Share Posted May 5, 2010 Pretty self explanatory. Welcome to Akron Rob. So more than 70 percent of people voted that Rob would be here for 6 years or more. That seems to be a pretty nice welcome?!?! Well yeah but half of Zips fans think he'll be fired, and he hasn't even coached one game! (Statistics provide us with such clear and undeniable conclusions, Dave is so right!!!! ) Half of the equation is getting the right numbers. The other half is interpreting the significance of those digits completely and accurately. For example, if someone holds up a single finger -- say their middle finger -- and you interpret that as nothing more than the number 1, you may be missing the full significance of that particular digit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Z Posted May 5, 2010 Report Share Posted May 5, 2010 If the numbers work out to prove my point, then they are true because numbers don't lie, if data proves to differ from my view, then there is an error in the collection of the data. It's very scientific, and better than trying to form my own opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave in Green Posted May 5, 2010 Report Share Posted May 5, 2010 If the numbers work out to prove my point, then they are true because numbers don't lie, if data proves to differ from my view, then there is an error in the collection of the data. It's very scientific, and better than trying to form my own opinion. Trying to understand the nuances of how the intelligent analysis of statistics can lead to more informed opinions is not for the feint of heart. It's hard enough to get past the apparent conundrum of the winning coach Bill Belichick saying "stats are for losers" while simultaneously being a leader among NFL coaches in the use of advanced statistical analysis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Z Posted May 5, 2010 Report Share Posted May 5, 2010 ...winning coach Bill Belichick saying "stats are for losers" while simultaneously being a leader among NFL coaches in the use of advanced statistical analysis. Don't forget Bill's advanced video taping and advanced radio frequency skills, which played 98.2 percent more than any statistical study in his formula for "winning" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave in Green Posted May 5, 2010 Report Share Posted May 5, 2010 ...winning coach Bill Belichick saying "stats are for losers" while simultaneously being a leader among NFL coaches in the use of advanced statistical analysis. Don't forget Bill's advanced video taping and advanced radio frequency skills, which played 98.2 percent more than any statistical study in his formula for "winning" It would help me not to forget if you featured that well-researched statistic in your signature line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZachTheZip Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 Back to the subject of this thread, after much serious study (I also have swamp land in Florida for sale), I've determined that the correct option is not available in this poll. What will happen is that Ianello will be driven away from UA before the end of his first season. You could have stopped right there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoZips Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 Why am I the only one concerned that we have a coach who is too stupid to send a simple text? What makes you think that you are the only one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K92 Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 Why am I the only one concerned that we have a coach who is too stupid to send a simple text? What makes you think that you are the only one? In retrospect, that was a telling sign, although I blew it off. I was all about giving Ianello the benefit of the doubt. I am being proven wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UAZipster0305 Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 Why wasn't "Not soon enough." an option in this poll? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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